| | The Day I Woke Up
I am real, I obstruct, I cast shadows
3 o-clock I melt
4 o-clock grow like vines
5 o-clock tower like tree, like mountains, like your father
She says, I am not your amanuensis, your ingenue, your lover
She says, eyes like quarters thrown into a furnace
Blau augen, I say
What? she says
Blue eyes, I say
Oh, she says, you're not listening
Listen she says, these eyes are disposable
Everyone is disposable
Death is simply...a redistribution of matter
No, I say, when I leave here
I take a part of you with me
in remembrance, I put you in my little room upstairs
And I do// whatever// I want// to do.
DELUSIONS!
I am real, I obstruct, I cast shadows
3 o-clock I melt
4 o-clock grow like vines
5 o-clock tower like trees, like mountains, like the earth rushing at
you when you fall
staring at the clouds, flat on your back
Faces asking, "What's your name?"
"
Do you know where you live?"
"
What's your number?"
"DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE?"
I say I am what I'm called
I live where I breathe
I take up space, I displace
The water rises when I sink
I know I'm alive when I wake, when I shake,
When I blink.
I was seeing another man's girl
she would not agree
with that she is her own girl
her own Woman.
I dreamt that she and I moved in, together
in a small bedroom apartment, Underground
You saw your former boyfriend, occasionally
and told me you didn't fuck him
but you were lying and I knew it
So we moved to Moab
made a baby and had a garden
You'd buy some Guinness and
I'd make some pasta because
You couldn't cook worth a damn
And we'd eat it and drink it
and make love in it
and I was happy until I WOKE UP!
I am real, I obstruct, I scream aloud when I fuck!
A letter resent - proper postage paid
contents: lies
You lie when you put pen to paper, the start of the lie
Writers are liars as are lovers
I love you: fixed in time, static
I loving you: Movement, fluid
First word - Mama, Dada, mama
DadadadadadadadaDAMMIT!
Impromptu, surprised, presaged by clouds, by the leaves turning
the unkind cut, smirk, put down
REVERSALS!
the sealed envelope, the capitulations
and the seven prostrations: forgiveness
I bow to the inedible, the indigestible, the contemptible
I, the bowing oak, must break
I, the bleeding heart, must ache
I, the nightmare dreaming, must WAKE!
Forgive me, and you forgive the world
forgive the world, and here I lie neglected
Suffer the world not - the world can take care of itself
Suffer the child, for it cannot.
I still remember your parting shot, a postcard with the line: "I
love the false image I had of you..."
Oooooh...(and this is how I feel)
I am this infidel, this smoke
BURN this need to cancel
I am this smoke, I get in your eyes
make you cry, baby
To the job you hate, I am the words: I quit
(and the Greyhound ticket a week later to the coast)
I am your recapitulation
when you hear your lover's voice
on the machine say,"I'm sorry, I'm so-so- sorry."
I am the absence of absence
I am that next to last drink
I am the moment you ask someone out
rejecting expectance
expecting rejection
I am the lit match to tinder
I am the clouds friction, bringing storms
I am the glance up, the locking eyes
I am that turn on the mountain road
leading to a turnover, witnessed by trees
I am the sound of the turning of the key
When your lover comes in after midnight
I am the question in your mind, wanting to ask, "Where've you been?"
never asking, pretending to sleep
I am the nightmare shaking, dawn breaking
I am your lover's voice saying, "Wake up."
My Stuff
WangZen
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