stumble into ecstacy Aug 21, 2008 - 07:49 AM
(San Francisco, 8/7-8/10/2008)
From denial to reversal to suspicion to dead end
What dreams we dream, get revised when confronted with reality's hammer
against my life's anvil it's the pounding in my head of voices and whispers and laughter
maddening. A land of no trust, no reservation to return to
to return from this land of milk and honey and you
taking what presents
to stuff the hole in your whole
consuming without care, without remorse
love, secrets and wherewithal. I, sick to my core
stumble into ecstacy, fight my way out of this
caged paradise
of conceit and lies, junkie lies: of a brother-in-law who lies about dirty spoons and
needles and love for lieukemia
that's all it is. and my blackout days are hear again, what agony
doesn't this abate after age 30? apparently not 'tis familiar this barren wasteland.
I squint, regain the thousand mile stare,
and carefully place
one
step
in
front
of
the
other. What other?
I evacuate to foreign lands of golden gated bridges and
underground railroads, granting safe passage to
second class citizens, like myself Eat offal in 5 star restaurants
sleep with animals
talk with mustachioed midgets
and strippers 'I kiss your heart' I say to the breasts before me
'I love you,' I say as she offers the lap dance
dollar bills, baht and yuan float from stiffened fingers 'They don't make sex clubs like they used to,' you say
in this haunted house of love
there's no power or exchange at the Power Exchange
just middleaged wankers seeking ersatz love while
their palm gently weeps exfoliant is applied
slender Korean women
stomp and stretch and pound
and still my hollow is within me
filled with your shape I buy totems, fetish and meme
My hat is full of hollow
one from none as they say
I wear the chapeau upon ma tete within my heart
is a burning ember
I will
put it out
I will
before night falls
it will
simmer
it will
cool
it will
crumble.
Back to Diary |
Email