thee and the deep blue You think you see me but you only see right through me I tell you my secret histories unveil my open wounds display the soul nebulae the birthplace of scars You see what I let you see and what you want to see coloring clear water like blood for sharks It would take me 40 years to explain myself to you where should I start? You close your eyes and press the singularity of pain where I ran through the streets insane trailing the cast off feathers of angels headlong into tragedy a scream barely contained My health is feigned 'tan well and rested' is my refrain conceals the pain I want what I ain't got and fear for when I get it nothing's guaranteed good health love and the laughter of friends Burnt red in the squeal of tires, the crash of metal, in a doctors measured tones talking of a kind of disease, a kind of disaster I wonder why my ribcage doesn't crush from the weight of the sea deep blue and vicious shark infested and dangerous Your heat burns across my palm a quick intake of breathe then the crushing... my soul a constellation of scars pointing to the birthplace of tragedy, loneliness and hurt I try to rise above the dirt a feeble thing striving to grow courageous the wetness of newly born angels wings unfurl I hold a secret light that's dear a gift of the real me concealed underneath the soil, the stink, the hurt I cradle my baby, eat the afterbirth bound in cages made of regret and shame expecting more of the same How to rise above this, my fitful station in life untouchable, inward turning consumed by my secret tragedies my secret histories I see a light reflected a tragedy deflected. I place this fragile thing with you see if you kill it or suckle it close waiting for a savior with loving eyes cool the fever try me out for size I signal: come hither hipbone jutting check me out take me for a spin sink into sin and a chaser of ashes kiss away my hurt cool my fever paint me pretty in this house called happy