Phoenix Rising I’ve traveled 1000 miles to see you Hello should be said face to face Close enough to smell your skin and taste your lips A feast for all saints and angels, like you I come before you, a sacrificial lamb To the altar of desire like Job’s son Pierced by the arrows of desire like the Ecstacy of St. Theresa A holy fire immolates me, purified in the fires of desire In one leap (a leap of faith, my oh so fragile faith) I cross what distances remain I shatter what barriers stand betwixt us And if you fell off the mountain I would follow And if you told me to go I would leave And if you told me to come to you I would But if you told me to forget, I would still remember And if I told you ‘Here’s my life,’ would you take it? And if I gave you my heart, would you recognize its value Wealth beyond measure if only you consider it so Worthless pap if you do not I’ve been broken before on this altar Held high by unworthy hands, laid low by people of no faith I stand a man accused of wanting more, more or less I stand accused of creating false idols Of you falling for my doppelganger – no one there to catch you, to snatch you, to scratch you Like a Phoenix rising she returns The prodigal, the carrier pigeon come to roost I thought her extinct, like dinosaurs And the lost blue race of men But like the Coelacanth she rises, Shedding armored scales in her wake She’s come for something – be silent There’s blood in the water, and she smells of frankincense and flowers Like a wild beast I fear her. What sudden movements will startle what will excite Locking eyes I see her regret, my reflected regret at what could have been Woulda been, coulda woulda shoulda been And I telepathize with her, saying – You left Me Afraid of my need you pushed me away the bitter taste of ashes in my mouth The floor dropped from beneath me, my world spun and the lid slammed onto my small box of remorse and self-hatred I was left with nothing, nothing but my stung pride, and that cold hard truth to comfort me: that I had done nothing wrong – but to love you. Confused I walked away, and unlike Lot I vowed to never, ever take a look back Until you called And you told me, heart thudding like the horses hooves from the chariots of fire you told me, that my need scared you, and you ran from antarctic cold to desert heat you ran but even as you ran, you heard your lover’s voice whisper in your ear, ‘Remember,’ and ‘Regret’ But I cannot stay away, cannot be held back Not by killer Tsunamis or Earthquakes, meteorites or stalactites Not by the chains that held Houdini at his death I cannot be held back. Not by the hand of any major deity Only by your request But say the word and I am yours Say the word and I will cross mountains and streams, navigate through the sky on wings of desire, Crossing the void with my heart in my hands trailing angel feathers in my wake I will cross time, cross space to a place where There is no past to haunt us, no future to hope for Because without you there is no hopeful future, Without you there is no past to haunt us and when I look into your eyes there is no past, there is no future Only the present. You. I. Us. The smell of burning ions, frankincense and flowers